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From section 5, The Justice, of Saltian
Well done
By Alice Shapiro
I. Presently
I — peruse past decades
I — have accomplished greatness
I — overcame
- arcane banality
- self-doubt
- impetuous naivete
Tender errors at ten and twenty
baked into inner walls of an open mind
formed a calloused heart.
II. Looking back
Barefoot
walking sand-drenched sidewalks in the tropics
dazed, yet unfazed by a temporary lapse
in continuity
God — at my back
- arcane banality — self-doubt
went up like smoke.
III. Future
Purified
wise wide innocence shares my easy chair
I — consider grace.
Critique
By Walter Elmore
Well done
I. Presently
I – peruse past decades
I – have accomplished greatness
I – overcame
x arcane banality
x self-doubt
x impetuous naiveté
Tender errors at ten and twenty
baked onto inner walls of an open mind
formed a calloused heart.
II. Looking back
Barefoot
walking sand-drenched sidewalks in the tropics
dazed, yet unfazed by a temporary lapse
in continuity
God – at my back
x arcane banality – self-doubt
went up like smoke.
III. Future
Purified
wise wide innocence shares my easy chair
I – consider grace.
The structure presents itself like a to-do list but has the content of a memoir. Interestingly, “errors at ten and twenty” are placed in the “Presently” section, even though they bring to mind ages and years past. As well, the conflict between “open mind” and “calloused heart” paints an interesting yet very human picture of a person who struggles to see past the end of his or her nose without being too gullible or easily persuaded. Another interesting dualism is the use of the adjective “wise” to modify the noun “innocence.” One normally doesn’t equate wisdom with innocence, although small children are known for spots of brilliance too often dismissed because of their age. The points at which “arcane banality” and “self-doubt” appear in both the present and past lists remind me of how we put these things behind us, even though they continue to crop up time and again.
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Walter Elmore is a recent graduate of the University of West Georgia who is looking for an opportunity to showcase his editorial skills for a publishing group, newspaper, or magazine. He has worked as a copy editor and fact checker for numerous writers for the past several years.
