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From section 2, Childhood, of Saltian
The sea intrudes and calms
A swim in frigid waters
whose threatening waves
dwarf a child of ten
caught by an undertow
where one’s sudden breathlessness
is thrust before us
and breath’s function registers valuable—
It prepares you
for death and so many death scenes
that creep into the years.
Thing is, no fear
as limbs’ tension disappear
in the float
in the enveloping comfort
that is the sea
a liquid metaphor
in which the womb
resurrects.
Eyes open
peace, thoughtlessness, one.
Critique
By KC Bosch
Alice Shapiro paints a picture here that I can see. The waves, the kid in the water and the rip currents. I have mixed emotions about this poem. I like some of the lines a lot but am troubled by others. The first stanza is very good, but seems to jump from first to second person. “and breath’s function registers valuable—“is a powerful thought. And the couplet “for death and so many death scenes/that creep into the years” rings very true, but also jumps into the future before the last paragraph returns to the present. We also switch from frigid water to the enveloping comfort of the sea.
Overall the idea of drowning being peaceful and free from fear is troubling.
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KC Bosch lives and writes in Virginia, and this place appears as a character in his writing as frequently as people do. His craft, be it wordworking or woodworking, is what he spends his time on and he takes his inspiration from both interior and exterior landscapes. You can read his words at vox poetica.
