An illegal stole the identity

of one she thought dead

enlisted in the armed forces

saved her comrade’s life

gave away a hero’s medal

so as not to share her former misdeed

with a lurking INS.

He felt uneasy

but stuffed it down.

Turned around from natural law

exemplified by his neighbors

he reached for wrong behavior

bought someone’s id card 

drank and drugged

was brought to justice.

When sentenced for infractions

a sudden terror rose.

Confusion and unanswered questions

slid down his gut

until a displaced anger chose the gun

that fired at a harmless crowd.

Unaware,

she had set him up.

He idolized and followed

what transpired in the course of childhood.

Armed with righteous indignation

we spat at them,

but who decided it was best

to see or do nothing

before the taking of their criminal acts?

I enjoy poems that are lyrical–tell a story–with mystery, suspense, leave the reader yearning for the answer. It is all the better if the reader is surprised by the outcome–and the poem leaves some gaps for the reader to fill with their imagination along the way. For that reason I appreciated this piece.

 

My personal preference would be for this poem to have left less mystery–made me, as a reader, work less to decipher the story. I will be interested in reading the reaction of others to this point, whether they find the uncertainties appeal to them more than the story.

 

Ms. Shapiro is a talented and skilled poet and each poet has their own writing style. I feel it is important for new writers to understand that there are alternate ways of expressing the same concepts so they can create their own deliberate style. I might have written the first stanza:

 

She stole the identity

of one thought dead.

Enlisted in the armed forces

saved a comrade’s life

declined a hero’s medal

so as not to share her deeds

with a lurking INS.

 

Ray Brown began writing in 1987 while in the midst of a personal crisis. For the next 20 years he would write on the back of napkins, on reports in business meetings, on index cards, in a small notebook, on his computer. In December 2008, he started his blog Poetry by Ray Brown. Since then Ray’s work has been published at journals including The Edison Literary Review, The Blue Collar Review, FreeXpresSion, The River Poets Journal, The New Jersey Poetry Society Anthology, Big Hammer, The River, and vox poetica and his first collection of poetry, I Have His Letters Still, is available at Amazon. A graduate of the University of Notre Dame, Ray just returned to his alma mater to hold a poetry reading at his 40th reunion. He lives and writes in Frenchtown NJ.