This excellent poem takes on several life truths. I am reminded that we marry our fathers for one reason or another. Then how we try to make a difference in their lives, at least we hope to. I liked the brevity of the poem and the fact that I wondered why the author “never knew his outcome … ”  I always like it when a poem makes me wonder.

 

On the second read I was struck with the ownership of the soldiers, “My first … the second … ” emphasized by the ones between that were seen but not numbered.  The line “He to the fire” had several meanings for me: (1) The hearth/home; (2) gunfire; or (3) some substance or passion that is unnamed. Very effective.

 

I would suggest two changes.  Line 1: “My first soldier was my father”–I prefer this because is sets a formal tone for the poem that is respectful and it creates an internal rhyme. Also, in the final lines the poet names the second soldier (Joe) so it is nice to call father “Dad” there, making the poem suddenly more personal.  Line 5: spell out the word television. Again this makes the poem more formal and it balances the line lengths and I think improves the rhythm.

 

Finally, thanks to Alice Shapiro for the opportunity to comment on this very good work.

Kay Middleton is a member of the Albright Poets, a group to which she was accepted after writing the obligatory limerick. In addition to poetry she writes flash, shorts, and historical fiction. She has been rejected by some of the finest publications on the planet and accepted by others. Publication credits include vox poetica, Eat a Peach, Concise Delights, Lines & Stars, Rust + Moth, Punkin House Digest, Leaf Garden Press, Bolts of Silk, and Contemporary American Voices. Nominated for the 2011 Pushcart Prize, she has work forthcoming in Right Hand Pointing and others who have not yet responded. You can read and hear more of her work at her website: kaymiddleton.net.