I hear of some who live eight decades

hear their bones creak like old oak staircases

see strained movements captured

in slow motion, like being bathed, 

not royally in milk with Caesar’s twelve attendants,

but wretched and pained.

My friend wails at forgotten faces he cannot place

as if erased and unborn.

Who can come to him at ninety

replace a broken body, restore dead cells

that once held bold humanity?

Fresh and supple children

uninitiated and anathema to their own Fate

deride and scold

laying him beneath their feet

even once he raised them up.

I hear his lament:

“Old age ain’t no picnic.”

Thus far, in the thick of project after project,

I barely hear the drummer

contemplate instead a full and fancy future.

It was very difficult to analyze the context of this poem since I have not yet read the Saltian monologue by Shakespeare. With that being said, my analysis of “Not there yet” may be only two dimensional, although I did have to dive into this poem deeply to forge an understanding. In terms of its meaning, I gathered that this poem is about a friend who may be dying from old age or a terminal illness and is observing the old and decrepit dying naturally, and the young and strong growing up to inevitably die as well.

 

There were several facets of this poem that made it extremely confusing (besides not having read the monologue), including the many subjects. The poem goes from “some who live eight decades” to “my friend wails” to “who can come to him” to “fresh and supple children” to “once he raised”, and then a drummer is brought in at the end. Too many of these subjects in the poem raise a lot of questions as to who these people are, why are they important to the overall meaning of this poem, and by using all of these subjects what is at stake? It might be best to name the friend from the beginning and then refer to him later as a he. Another confusing aspect are the cliche lines. “Old oak staircase” would be better conveyed as the “old staircase”, “wails” sounds too Beowulfish, and “fresh and supple children” is kind of disturbing and not in a good way because it does not convery their youth, but rather something more sensual about these children, and “bold humanity” should be extinguished because isn’t humanity bold already by being strong enough to slowly die while remaining alive (being old, ultimately)? The last three lines confuse me at the end because I am not sure who the drummer is and exactly what it is he is contemplating. (When I think of the word “contemplating” in the subject of life or death, it makes me think the subject is contemplating suicide and I am not sure if that is what you were going for.)

 

This poem was written very well and the language is sophisticated, but I think the images get lost easily. The first stanza has strong imagery and then it becomes more abstract as I read on. My suggestion would be to condense it, take some of the abstractions out (like “uninitiated and anathema to their own fate”), and focus more of the image/observation of the friend dying, rather than your observations of all of these outside influences.

 

Side note: If anyone else, like myself, read this poem without understanding the context, they might be just as confused. Be aware of your audience. I am not sure if I was the best person to read this particular poem because I did read it out of context and it was very hard for me to grasp the meaning or even what was going on. There are some mechanical issues which I had noted. The imges are very strong, but there are not very many of them and they get confused with all of the abstract words/images. Thank you for this opportunity and I will understand if you decide not to use my critique.

Courtney Leigh Jameson is the Editor in Chief of The Bruised Peach Press poetry zine, a monthly newsletter dedicated to people who have a passion for poetry. She received her Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing at Arizona State University and is currently attending Saint Mary’s College of California for her MFA in poetry.