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From section 1, Infancy, of Saltian
End of the line
By Alice Shapiro
Mother, whose womb I leave
to breathe
whose voice was marred
by the irony of lung disease,
I wish I had studied you.
Mother, whose womb now bereft
of sentient life
I see with blackened lungs scarred by smoke.
Fears were cloaked in disregard
and you succumbed.
While in the throes of full dependence
needing only self-satisfaction
I missed your years of sacrifice.
Your never-ending warmth
was seen as being simply mine.
This offshoot then is dedicated
to all your decency and flaws, not followed
except for fitful lapses
that last until this child arrests
the lineage, stays barren
Critique
By Joanie DiMartino
Such a strong poem that mixes the conflict and complexities of motherhood, from the perspective of the child, looking back at birth and nursing. There is a softness to the tone, yet a distancing for the speaker, which culminates in the full detachment of the final lines, when the speaker claims ownership of childlessness.
The poem opening with, and then the later repetition of the word “Mother,” serves as an invocation, and indeed the speaker is invoking the mother-figure to affirm the differences between the two; rather than bond with similarities. The line, “to all your decency and flaws, not followed” makes it clear that while the speaker acknowledges the positive aspects of child-bearing/rearing, there is a clear intent to choose a different path.
There are wonderful sounds and use of language in this short poem, which begins with the tense long “e” sound: “leave,” “breathe,” “disease,” etc. that later turn into the long “o” sound: “smoke,” “cloaked,” “throes,” which serves as a subtle linguistic marker delineating the change in expression of the poem, from invoking the mother to resisting her. My only suggestion to strengthen this piece would be to remove the word “simply” in line 15. This would tighten the meter, and serve to maintain the tenseness of the language that continues to the very last line of the poem.
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Joanie DiMartino has work published in many literary journals and anthologies. Her first chapbook, Licking the Spoon, was published with Finishing Line Press in 2007. She is a past winner of the Betty Gabehart Award for poetry from the Women Writers Conference, Kentucky, and was a finalist in the Cultural Center of Cape Cod poetry competition. Her first full-length collection, Strange Girls, was published in June 2010 by Little Red Tree Publishing, and the poem “A Treatise on Handling Snakes” from that collection has received a nomination for a Pushcart Prize. Strange Girls has been nominated for the 2011 Connecticut Book Award.
